| "Why shouldn't I trust a human?"
It was a simple, innocent question, and one he never thought to ask until then. Perhaps he was always distracted by the fact that his mother's gentle fingers always combed through his hair, or held him close, or wagged in front of his face when he did something wrong. Perhaps he was afraid to know the answer. Perhaps it was because he couldn't imagine the remote possibility of anyone having a reason, even a trivial one, to think of all the alleged things that humans thought of vampires. Monsters. Creatures of the night. Sadistic blood sucking creatures. None of it registered when he tried to compare it to mother. Nor did his mother ever say anything against humans to him herself.
No, the only warning mother gave him was to never trust a human. Each time, her compassionate tone turned a bit more nostalgic, a bit noticeably melancholy, And yet all that Kamui could pinpoint that something was wrong.
Yet, he could only listen to his mother's instructions and be wary of humans. It was something that he knew shouldn't be discussed. Still, each time Subaru went to read, each time they had to be separated for whatever reason, Kamui came to her with a plethora of questions about anything and everything, from why is the sky blue to what is magic to what the world is like outside of their home. And mother always answered them. No matter how childish or ridiculous they were, she never laughed or ridiculed him for asking these questions, she only answered him. So why not this one?
After a bit of a surprised pause, her soft smile returns.
"What do you think of humans, Kamui?"
The question caught him off guard. How was he meant to answer it? He never really met a human before, aside from the frequent hunting trips the group occasionally took him on.
"They're selfish. They only think of themselves, especially when it comes to us. They're allowed to kill to feed, but if we even try to feed, kill them or not, they suddenly hate us. ...They call us monsters."
"And most of them will believe that." She was smiling, but for the first time, Kamui could finally notice the distinct sadness in her expression. But mother couldn't possibly be sad. Mother was never sad. ...At least not in front of him. Upset, calm, happy, yes, but never sad.
"You never told me what you think, Kamui," she continued. "You've repeated what the others have said."
"But that's the truth, isn't it?"
"I believe you can find your own truth."
Silence. If he was supposed to respond to that, he didn't know how. Before he could think, the tips of his mother's fingers traced the shape of his face, and she rested her hands on his cheeks.
"You don't need to find your answer yet."
"But..."
"It's a difficult question, even for those who have seen humans before." Her smile faltered, and Kamui continued to deny the acceptance that his mother was truly sad.
She must have noticed his fretting, because soon the hands that were holding his cheeks released him in favor of pulling him into a hug. Her warm, gentle hands. They were one of his favorite things in the world. Kamui blinked before promptly pouting; still, he hugged her back, his small arms not quite managing to completely wrap around her.
"Your question is something I can't tell you."
"You can't?"
"I'm afraid not, but I'm sure you'll find your answer. Because you are Kamui."
Because you are Kamui. He never understood why his mother made it out to seem like he was special. She certainly loved both him and Subaru the same, but the reasoning behind the phrase hardly made sense to him. What did it make a difference if he were Kamui, or Subaru, or Tooru or anyone else? It didn't make sense.
Still, his fingers curled around the fabric of his mother's clothing as he nodded, curling up on her lap and beginning to shut his eyes. |
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